tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
