She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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