I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You have to summon your inner elephant
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
