There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
