Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
