I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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