there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
