I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
