Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
