If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
