cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
