your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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