Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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