Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We are all done wearing pants today
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
