Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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