Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
