woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
