Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
