its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
