boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I pour the whiskey from now on
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
