Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
