Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
