I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
