just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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