Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
