i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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