Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
