So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She announced her abortion via fbk
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
