I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
you had me at cake vodka
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
