these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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