rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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