she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
