Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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