I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
