Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
