You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
