wrigley field is MILF paradise
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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