It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
