My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
