i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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