you guys were way drunker than both of me
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
