There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
