I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
