the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I want to have your abortion
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize