you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
