bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
