well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
