What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
