Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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