hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Randomize
