The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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