I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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