We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
