I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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