was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
