Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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