tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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