So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize