Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
