so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
