I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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