May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
