just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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