Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
