it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
