Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
