I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
