ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
