Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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