i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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