I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
