so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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