They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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