I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Randomize
