You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just want nice things and good sex
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
