Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
